Gardening Gloves by Celine Dion

The latest chapter in a a grimly unfolding drama is trailed in an article in The Guardian titled ‘Too late? Why scientists say we should expect the worst’, wherein respected climatologists agree that ‘carbon emissions (are) soaring out of control’. The piece opens with a description of the scene at a recent climate conference when Kevin Anderson, a senior research fellow at the Tyndall Centre for Climate Change Research, tells his audience about certain current findings that left ‘Even committed green campaigners …terrified.’
Anderson had every reason to be gloomy but there is a chance that, if he had purchased for his archives a copy of The Guardian containing the report, he might have had his mood pleasantly lifted. Folded round the paper’s G2 supplement is a sheet of wrapping paper for Christmas designed by Sienna Miller. It is the latest in a series of wrapping papers designed by people who are very famous today. Such as Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp designed a sheet of wrapping paper only the other day. Another famous person who designed wrapping paper on another day was Kylie Minogue. Kylie’s had ribbons on. Sienna’s had red lips on. They were probably her lips, there is no way of knowing for sure. And Victoria Beckham. She did one.
These wrapping papers. They are all shit. They are a disgrace. They are mad. I wouldn’t wrap my bottom in them.
When you are very famous there is a kind of light that shines all around you. The light means that you have so much value that it comes out of you. The light will light up everything that you do and give it value too. For example suppose you have had no training in anything. It doesn’t matter. Suppose for example you had had no training in graphic design or illustration or drawing or photography. Suppose you had no skills in these fields despite not having been trained in any way. That wouldn’t really matter.
I think Johnny Depp would be a very good surgeon. He is certainly very attractive. I think Victoria Beckham would be a good middle distance runner in the Olympic Games in London in 2012. She is certainly very well dressed.
It’s quite possible that training is overrated. And skill. You just need a sort of light that shines all around you.